Brochure "sustain-e-e survivor of sexual assault" pdf was finished, and has again been changed, it will soon be downloadable online.
Support a Survivor-e-e [1 and 2]
sexual assault This booklet was made through the work done in collaboration with
UBUNTU and Men Against Rape Culture .
About MARC
Men Against Rape Culture
(men against the culture of rape), is a multi-racial and anti-racist based in Durham (North Carolina, USA) dedicated to ending the epidemic of male violence by attacking the root. We educate, organize, create and live in a way that seeks to offer alternatives to a culture that favors some, the oppressed who lot, and that limits our choices to tou-te-s.
MARC can be contacted at: marc_nc@riseup.net
or online at: www.MenAgainstRapeCulture.org
About UBUNTU: UBUNTU
is a movement based in Durham, led by women of color survivors of sexual assault, which is dedicated to creating a world without sexual violence. We transform the pain and rage engendered by persecution lived and relived in our community to "get better" [3], networking, and by embodying the demanding responsibility of a democratic community and social change creative. Our work, and the model of our movement is centered on a transformative love and solidarity.
UBUNTU
to contact, please write to: ubuntuNC@gmail.com
A Litany for Survival For those of us who live on the shore
standing on the edge of the constant and crucial decision
only
for those of us who can not let go
fleeting dreams of choice who love
in doorways coming and going between the hours
blades
looking inside and outside
both before and around
now seeking that may cause future
like bread in the mouths of our children that their dreams
reflect not kill us.
For those of us who were on
fear
printed as a thin line in the center of our foreheads learning to
fear our mother's milk for by this weapon
this illusion of certainty to find
those with heavy feet we hoped to silence us For all
this time and this triumph We were never supposed
survive
And when the sun goes down we are afraid
he could not get up in the morning when
our belly is full we are afraid of indigestion
when our stomach is empty we are afraid
never to eat
when we are loved we are afraid that love
disappears when we are alone we are afraid that
love
never return and when we speak we are afraid that our words
not be heard nor welcome
but when we are silent
we always fear
It is best to talk
remembering we were never meant to survive
Audre Lorde
you know of survivors If you are a person who lives and evolves on this planet, you know quelqu'1 who survived a sexual assault.
The number of women men and trans people (ie people who do not fit into a gender binary male / female) who suffer sexual assault is unknown, because this phenomenon of cultural silence, doubted the word of the person, and fear of more violence around the rape.
However, many feel that at least one in four women will be raped during her life in the USA [4]. As regards women, rape is an epidemic in the world.
estimates regarding men are lower but equally unreliable.
For reasons which will be discussed later, it is almost impossible to estimates regarding sexual violence against trans people, we do know they are common.
All this to say: you know any survivors. These are not statistics, they are gen-te-s that matter to you and you love.
Since you take time to understand the importance of aggression and emotional impact, psychological, spiritual and physical harm on the gen-te-s of their lives, people who survived an attack will turn to you to be understood.
And this is logical in our culture filled with silence, any person who takes a position that is openly identified as quelqu'1 who can be entrusted with personal information that few others will ever know.
The list of principles that follows was done in order to help support quelqu'1 in its process of "getting better", in case you find yourself in a situation where you could.
aware that this is a list of ideas, suggestions. Each individual e-reacts to sexual assault differently, and our relationships vary from person to person.
Generally, many of these tips will help, but if you find they do not walk well, talk to quelqu'1 that could support you and see how continue to support the survivor-e how ille needs.
course communication with the survivor herself is the key and ask her what she wants or what she needs.
If you take the floor to condemn the sexual assault of survivors will seek support from you.
Principle No. 1: The health and safety first Make sure the person you support is not in danger. If it is, try to find out how you can help out. Protecting your life is your priority. Once
its security is ensured (at least at this time), try to see if she has physical needs that must be addressed. Rape is a traumatic physical violence. This is not sex and body do not always answer how he would respond to a sexual act. Make sure there is no imminent physical complications.
Because of a principle that we will discuss later, it is possible that there is nothing you can do to ensure the safety or well-being of the person. In this case, keep trying to see how you can support the person and encourage him to find a safe place.
Principle No. 2: Restore the choice Rape is a power grab and a flight of choice. A person who commits rape, steal what is perhaps the most fundamental right that everyone has e-law, that one flies regularly to women, racialized people [5], for trans people and children: right to dispose of his body. This flight of choice has an impact that can last a lifetime.
To help a person get better, you should immediately allow him to make choices for herself. Does she want to sit? Stand? Soda? Orange juice? Water? Even the most innocuous choice should belong to him immediately. This involved to make a bit of power that was stolen by him / her rapist-euse.
Even the most innocuous choice should belong to the immediate / the survivor-e.
The same is true for more choice. Are you going to make you listen to the hospital? Would you call the police? These decisions may be particularly difficult to make, so be patient-e and help the person you support to see what exactly these choices. The hospital visits and statements to police can often do as much violence as the assault itself and can not at all constituerune safe option [6] for people of color and / or trans. Many of the bodies expected to assist survivnat es of rape (such as police, hospitals and aid people who suffered / suffer domestic violence / sexual assault) are, at best, very poorly prepared to s occupy racialized people, LGBQ [7] or trans. In the worst cases they worsen the situation by further violence and humiliation. Your job as an ally-e is to help them see what are the implications of choices that can be made. However, the person must have the authority to make decisions they want, even if they are not ones you'd taken.
careful with broad issues, open questions (like "What do you want?"). It may be that you have to offer or suggest options to help the person to recover from its own power. Even to make simple choices can be difficult. You must understand this. Sometimes these choices can give a great feeling of power, sometimes quite the opposite.
These choices certainly include displays of affection or physical comfort. Do not presuppose that the person take in the arms is appropriate. Do not assume that familiarity will help physically. Ask and let you guide.
Principle 3: Believe! be believed-e is obviously the main factor in a process of "getting better" healthy for a survivor-e. In most cases, the /-euse the rapist does not believe the survivor-e, the hospital does / not believe her, the police do not / will believe it and his Friends and his family him / her believe it. You must do this.
Even with a best-e-e who / believed, many surviving es spend their lives struggling around this qu'ille could have done to prevent what quelqu'1 else did to them. It's your job to ensure she did what she had to do to survive. Our culture will not assert it, and so doing, do not believe.
A woman who is attacked is subject to sexist notions brought to our society on women and sexuality. If a woman is sexually active, then it is a "drag." If the gen-te-s still see rape as a sexual act; survivors will then be taxed accordingly "contrails". It was always understood you-s. "She got what she deserved. "" What was she doing in her room anyway? She must want it. "" What she expected coming out dressed like that? . There is nothing a woman could have done that could justify a man rapes her. This bears repeating: there is nothing a woman, a man, a trans-e, or e-child who could do that would justify a man has violated it.
Because of racist stereotypes, women are subject to the racialized dynamics of a particularly violent. The bodies of racialized women are seen as exotic, sexual in nature and even as dangerous territory that must be controlled. When men rape women racialized, the "she asked for it" resonates strongly, even within ethnic or cultural minoritized (In fact, most rapes occur within racial groups, not between them). This must be attacked.
A man who is attacked is subject to sexist and homophobic notions brought to our society on men and sexuality. Since a man is always supposed to be dominant, a man who is raped is certainly not a "real" man. His pain is something he should be ashamed because otherwise it will be taxed as "homo" or "feminine" and our culture tells us that these two identities are not acceptable for men. Men who survive prison rape must face this in addition to the vision the company he had "what he deserved." All this will contribute to his silence.
Our culture teaches homophobic straight men hate to be confronted with the sexuality of gay men, bisexual or queer, because it triggers their own fear of being themselves gay or not "real" men. These fears led to the rape of men and women homophobic homo / bi / queer rape and transphobic people that we discover to be trans or presumed to be homo / bi / queer because ilies can not easily be categorized as-es-man "or" woman ". A rape is a rape survivor and should be thought-es-es-es and supported. The surviving trans-es often face the double challenge of having to prove not only what happened but also who are ilies. Their identity papers often fail to reflect the name or genre selected by trans people. This creates even more silence and vulnerability to police, hospitals and various organizations. Never put into question the gender identity of a trans person.
Because of homophobia mentioned above, there are a lot of silence around sexual assaults that occur within the LGBTQ communities. Like minoritized ethnic communities, they are under attack outside permanently. LGBTQ people, racialized people and especially racialized LGBTQ people may still be further silenced by pressure from within their communities, to avoid exposing his dirty laundry in public or to protect itself from external threats. The pressures from within and outside that create this silence and make the gen-te-s are not thought-es must be combated.
There is a huge cultural myth around false accusations of sexual assault and rape. Historically and still today, the false accusations were / are racist as a tactic used to justify the racialized lynching of men (especially black men) in the United States. It is necessary to study, understand and take this phenomenon seriously. According to most legal bodies, the percentage of false accusations of rape is now equal or even lower percentage of false accusations for other crimes. This myth is a tactic to reduce to silence women (especially racialized women), male gay / bi / queer trans people and tou-te-s the other survivors.
The fact that you believe a survivor-e-e is essential.
there is nothing a-e-e survivor who was able to legitimate anything qu'ille violence suffered.
Principle No. 4: To remain silent and be guided Unless you yourself have experienced sexual assault, and even if so, you probably will not understand the majority that the person you say you feel. For this reason, if you start talking a lot during your discussions, it is likely that you say things that will not help. This may sound harsh, but it is unfortunately true. By remaining silent and allowing your friend to talk, you prevent the conversation to add elements that do not belong.
More importantly, by keeping silent, you leave the space / the surviving e-enabling it to find a voice. Rape silenced, leaving the space / the survivor-e qu'ille expressed and a way to support that gives it power. Ille can then take control, talk and be listened s'ille e-wishes. The rapist did not listen. You can.
Culturally, it does spend enough value to silence. Silence can also give a lot of power of survivors of sexual assault and all those who face violence in our culture.
Finally, do not judge the means of expression that breaks the silence. The person may need to explode with rage, crying, she may need to write, clean the house from top to bottom. She may need to do anything else to think or talk about what she went through. There are an unlimited number of possible responses and they all deserve to be respected and supported. Except in cases of threat of suicide or other self-destructive behavior, all the emotions that survivors express-es must be accepted and supported.
Principle No. 5: No more violence This principle is particularly addressed to men whose a-friend to, family member or lover-e-e was assaulted by another man.
Is duff up the rapist will obliterate the fact that rape has occurred? Does the pain will that of / the survivor-e disappears? Does the survivor-e need to try to calm another violent man who lost it? Probably not. Since men
bio commit a huge majority (some say-es more than 99%) of sexual assault, men who support a survivor-e-e must be particularly aware of the impact of male violence. It is the violence that causes male rape, not that it ends. Weather actions must be in line to put an end to male violence.
If women, who constitute the majority of survivors, decide to collectively respond by using violence or seeking the support of men who support them to participate in violent actions, it is women and survivors themselves to decide what they want. Men who support a survivor-e-e: it is absolutely essential to put aside your desire for male gratification and you end the cycle of male violence. This
rape, even if you think otherwise, has nothing to do with you. There is not another man who abyss something that belongs to you, it does not attack your manhood. This is not your responsibility or your right to come to the vigil and take things in hand. This is a very male view of things, and there is no room for your ego in this situation.
Principle No. 6: Know your limits You can not save everyone. A survivor-e-e can only get back in at which point it is possible at any time. If someone you love has been abused, you must realize that, somehow, you were also e-attacked. You can not be everything and everyone all the time. Be sure to find support for you too. Many even recommend to be followed or psychologically to undergo group therapy when you support someone who has been assaulted.
Support (watching) the person you support to expand its support network. Many people find much solace in support groups composed of people who live or have lived in the same or a variety of other forms of support. It is rare to know exactly how to adequately support a person in this process that can last a lifetime if we do not have support whatever.
You will make mistakes during this process. Do not flog you, do not disappear because you are not perfect-e. You will not do. Act with sensitivity and integrity.
Look after yourself. You're no help to / the survivor if you kill the task.
Principle 7: Stay involved and stay flexible e- Recovering from sexual assault will not happen in one day. This means that there will be ups and downs, good times and bad times. One-e-e survivor may go through many of these phases in a single day. Your presence and your stability throughout these transitions is fundamental.
The process of "getting better" every person is different. Do not give up quelqu'1 it seems that things will not improve immediately. Try something else. The positive impact you will / can be more important than what you think, so do not wander off and adjust the way your support when it becomes clear that you need.
Principle No. 8: It's not about YOU Even if you are yourself an e-e-surviving sexual assault in this situation it is not you. Often when of gen-te-s offer support to relatives, illes find themselves trying to solve their own problems whatsoever with, or indirectly, by the person who has been abused. It may be past abuse you suffered or you have attended, anger over what happened to quelqu'1 who you hold, worry about how your relationship with the person will be affected, a desire for revenge motivated by your ego, anything else. By reacting in this way you not helping anyone, you only take up space with your own concerns that should be focusing on those of someone trying to survive what she went through.
If, for reasons cited above (especially if you yourself are a survivor-e-e), you can not put aside your own concerns to support this self-te-e, be honest overlooked that. Do not try to support quelqu'1 if this is not something you're really capable of. Continue to heal and work to help the person you love to find others who are more able to help yet.
One way to control this is to pay attention to what as you say and how you behave. Think about what you do and why you do it before doing so. Think about why you want to say what you mean. Make sure it is not a need you have, no matter how much you think it is legitimate.
Principle No. 9: Working to understand the process of survival The main cause of PTSD [8] in the U.S., among other mental illnesses, is sexual assault. Movement, physical contact, places or words that remind / survivor to a specific time-e; movies or songs that describe or allude sexual assault, or unusual situations that are not reassuring: all these phenomena can literally relive the assault / the survivor-e. Be careful when these situations occur and do what you can to eliminate your contribution to them when you're with the person you support. When you see this behavior in a friend-you're not sure being of survivors, proceed with caution and understand that this is what may be happening.
If you are the partner of a sex-e-e survivor, you've been their partner before, during or after the time of aggression, pay special attention during sexual intercourse. Sometimes the person will not want to have physical relations be they sexual or even just affectionate. At other times, sexual activity, it will find a lot of power. Be patient-e and allow it to set the pace and type of activities in which you engage. Be aware that es seemingly innocuous actions can twist the survivor-e.
Read books on sexual assault and the psychology of survival process. Understand the long-term implications and work to help the person you love to heal.
Details
None of this is not a magic bullet. Believe in yourself, believe in your friend. Be aware that rape is related to the problem of power, oppression and control and that support should be giving, loving and sharing. It will not be easy, but with time, you and your friend grow up and learn more than you can imagine. Consider this document as an aid that can guide you through this process, but be aware that you may have to build your own list of things to do.
Notes:
[1] The term "survivor-e" is the translation of "Survivor," the word is not yet widely used in French to refer to people who have suffered abuse, but it is widely particularly in the U.S.. Ndt
[2] I chose to bring the masculine and feminine in all terms (in English where you can choose neutral terms). It seems néanmois pertinant to recall that 96% of people who are violent men and 91% of people who get raped are women ...
[3] I chose to translate the term "healing", literally "cure" which in French has a much more physical denotation, whereas in English the word also describes a mental or psychological healing, the verb "to heal," gives the idea of "remetrre of" ... ndt
[4] In France, the statistics give the figure of a woman in five ... ndt
[5] the term in English is "people of color"
[6] This means that ensures the safety of people at all levels ndt
[7] Lesbian Gay Bi Queer ndt
[8] Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, in French: the syndrome of post-traumatic stress ndt
translation: Soaz - Layout: Sapitoverde
contact: combiendefois4ans (at) gmail (dot) com or
Range (at) pimienta (dot) org
